Friday, June 21, 2013

WWK (Walmart With Kids)

Worst.  Decision.  Ever.

My question to my older daughter & her resulting answer was the beginning of the ruin of my day.

"I must go grocery shopping today,
do you want to go or stay home?"
Her answer:
"No problem, we'll all go", I said.
"It will be great", I said.
"I got this", I said.
Oh, and I have to get this done in one hour because I have to meet someone at 11:15 (I got this, remember?).  I have my handy-dandy list which I made according to the pre-created menu for all meals in June .  Very tidy.  In & out.
Problemo numero uno:
The grocery list which I have created based on the WalMart closest to my house & the route I ALWAYS take while in the store (OCD much?), is completely null and void at a different WalMart.
I chose to go to a different location because of the meeting that was taking place at 11:15....
Problemo numero dos:
I took kids.
So, in order to make you feel better about your life, here's how my trip went:
Unload kids.  Assign a portion to the elder sister (the easier ones, I kept the problematic ones).
Enter store.  Tell elder sister to take a portion of the list & meet me by the milk when she's done.
I rush through my area before heading to the meeting place.  Leaving kids standing where they were (touching merchandise I SPECIFICALLY told them NOT to touch), because I will ONLY say, "Come on" once, then they have to hunt for me.
Then, my phone rings (I don't like to take calls while shopping, I don't shop & solve world problems at the same time very efficiently, so I have to stop what I'm doing & listen....), it's eldest daughter.  The cat is shooting diarrhea all over her room like a water sprinkler, and she is beyond frustrated.  So, I navigate clothing racks, help elder son choose new swim trunks & swim shirt from the "Cheap" rack, give him dirty looks as he looks at the "privileged folks" racks, point vehemently at the cheap rack & motion decapitation if he doesn't comply, while talking calmly to the particularly emotional person on the phone & trying to figure out the digestive tract issues of a kitten.
Problem solved, cheap swim clothes chosen....on to the dairy dept.
Tell elder son to get 2 gallons of 2% milk.  He gets one.  Really????
Tell lil guy I can make 15 gallons of Jell-O for the price of the pre-packaged ones, and NO I do not care that those are more fun.
When did cheese go up??  $3 for Parmesan.  Guess I don't need it.
No, we are not close to the bakery.  No, we cannot buy a free cookie.
Yes, honey, I would be very embarrassed if my kid screamed like that in the store.
PLEASE, stop practicing to scream....I WILL spank you...even though that kid got away with it.
You stay here with the basket, I'll walk over here & get what I need.  HEY!  WHERE ARE YOU GOING????
Hey you, Run back 2 aisles & get a container of salt.  Not gourmet.  Just plain ole salt. 
Where will I be? I'm turning left from this aisle.  ( I turn right.  Hee hee hee.  Took him 5 minutes to find me.)
What time is it?  OH!  We have 20 min to finish up & load up & I'm nearly done!  Yay!
No, I don't know what that mystery package of stuff is on the ethnic food aisle.
Oops, forgot the pancake back please...I'll be in produce.  For reals.
No, they don't have cuties.  Yes, we can get belly button oranges instead. 
Stop smelling every single package of strawberries.  They ALL smell good. 
Am I worth a $3 carton of blueberries?  Ewww...they have mold on them.
I need 8 ripe that too much to ask???  These could be stones!!
Ok....we are the registers.
I am very picky with the bagging process.  She does it wrong.  She is slow.
No, you can't have any gum.
No, you cant have the cute package of Kleenex.
No, you can't have beef jerky.
Yes, please get the van pulled up, that would be great.
OOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!! I ram my arm on the empty DVD display by the register.  My arm goes numb.  My fingers begin to tingle.
I am NOW officially in a bad mood. 
It took me longer this time.  Is that progress?
Now my neck hurts from my arm injury.
I yell at kids in WalMart.  I feel like I fit in.
We load up the groceries in the recesses of the van, because I need the back for the 11:15 meeting.
All in!  Let's go! 
Why are the interior lights on? 
Son, close the back hatch. it, & reclose.  STOP BANGING ON THE DOOR!!!
Fine, I'll do it.  Done.
I am now soaked with sweat, mad, hurting, $200 poorer, hungry & just plain exhausted.
But, we make the meeting.  I am now the proud owner of 2 old, wood-framed windows ripe for some adorable craft/decorating project & I scored them for a mere $6 each!  Boo-ya.
Now, I am home, the cat is loudly protesting his confinement to the carpet-less room, the groceries are put away, the boys are gagging me with the smell of the sardines I let them talk me in to buying.  DISGUSTING.
I have cooled off...some.  My arm hurts.  I'm still hungry.
Thanks for reading, I feel a bit better for having written it down.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Hello, Again

I have missed this blog. 

I feel like I have been unfaithful.  LOL

So many of you have told me you enjoy reading my silly words & thoughts, and I enjoy writing down my craziness for all of the world to read.  Why then do I slack off and fail to write?

If I knew the answer to that....then it wouldn't happen.

Most people would assume the following:

"Well, good grief, you have 8 don't have TIME to blog"
....and, in fact, I could hide behind that reason with no problem. 
It's not true.
See, I have plenty of time.  I run a very tight ship (READ: the kids DO leave me alone for more than 5 minutes at a time) & I do have an eensy weensy teeny weeny bit of time to myself.  It's just....well, ya see.....I usually spend that time sewing. 
Seriously, I do love to write here, so, I will try to keep it up.
Another reason I haven't written, is because I have somehow gotten into the mode of thinking whatever I write should have some deep moral or be of value to someone. 
I may not have much to say, and what I say may not have any value of any sort. 
Hey....we eat Cheetos....they have no leads me to believe that, sometimes, people do stuff-----JUST 'CAUSE!
Update on us:
The kids are growing, and doing the things that growing entails: costing me more money in clothes, taking YEARS of my time sorting out their outgrown clothes, deciding what needs to be packed away for the next one down, what needs to be kept for a keepsake (almost NEVER- who has room for THAT mess???), what is only worthy of the Goodwill bin, and what to sell (I do sell most of my kiddos church stuff, cause....well, I have to buy them MORE clothes).
SO....I just realized: I LIED!!!!! 
Here is the reason, I don't write this more often....THEY DO NOT LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! 
Forget the fact that I am COMPLETELY ignoring them, or that I look VERY BUSY, or  that I REFUSE TO LOOK AT THEM, they just keep right on talking. 
In the time it took me to type the 2 sentences above, 4 kids interrupted me...some more than once.
The moral of this story:
I can't blog because I am too old to pick up my train of thought again after listening about how we should make a birthday cake, cause it's someone's birthday....somewhere. 
How Anna (or was it Ella??) was shaking her booty as she jumped on the Hullabaloo pads.
How ......uh.....someone hit that little boy that lives here with a bobby pin...
How that kid will just DIE without some crackers.....before an hour.
I'll be back as soon as I can.