I know some of you may have wondered where I have been the last couple of weeks. Well, I've been here. At home. Having the time of my life. Not the best time of my life, mind you...but it has definitely been "A" time of my life.
About 3 months ago, hubby & I made the decision for him to take a new job. Hallelujah!!! After 10 years of being self-employed, someone else would worry about taxes & payroll. We have insurance and a regular paycheck deposited right in our account. It's amazing....amazingly horrible.
You know, I have always been a believer in being careful what you ask of God because He might just give it to you. I think that was the case here.
Don't get me wrong, there were lessons learned from this experience, but when hubby announced that he was putting in his resignation....cheers went up all over the house!!!
So, what was wrong with the job?
Let me put it this way: in the month of October, he was home 5 days total. Yeah. Awful! We knew that there would be some travel with this position, but it was estimated at 2 or 3 nights at a time. Hmmmmm....we won't go into some long tirade about streeeeeeetching the truth. Suffice it to say...it was a tad more. Like twice as much. Every week.
Meanwhile, back on the home front....
I started out doing great! We had a plan, a schedule...it was all good. Then came October.
As his schedule got more & more crazy, so did I. I found I couldn't even enjoy him being home because I was already panicking about him leaving again.
Physically, I felt ill. Exhaustion was taking a firm hold in my life. Complete. Utter. Exhaustion.
I finally reached a place where I began to feel anxious & trapped. Parenting 8 children with a partner is tough stuff. Doing it alone: impossible.
Yes, my kids are great, but they are still kids. They have constant, unending needs. My days were a constant mental challenge. My brain hurt. The younger ones had gotten out of control...badly. In short, I had gone into survival mode. The highlights of my day were naptime & bedtime.
This past Saturday night, when I found out he wouldn't be making it home in time for church...I just fell apart. When he came home & saw my status....he saw it as the sign he'd been looking for to resign.
Oh, the great relief!!! I cannot explain how I felt. I'm not sure I have fully comprehended it. My body is still out of whack from the stress & anxiety I had been feeling.
I in no way want to put my husband in a bad light. This time was miserable for him too. We had prayed, counseled & really tried to put God first in the decision to take this job. Maybe it was the right thing to do so that we would see that it was the wrong thing for us.
So, we are back to self-employment & the phone is ringing like crazy!!! New opportunities are steadily presenting themselves.
God is good. Yes He is!
We have grown from this experience. We have learned more about faith. I have learned that I cannot parent alone. Maybe I could have done some things differently, but I now have a new appreciation for my husband's strength of presence. Just having him here gives me strength to do what I need to do to be a good mom.
Do you find yourself in an impossible situation?
Have you prayed about it?
Every. Single. Minute. of Every. Single. Day?
Is He answering by asking you to give up something that gives you a sense of security? Find your peace & security in Him....it's the only REAL peace & security you'll ever have.
My God is real. I feel like I am recovering from a 3 month long illness. Sometimes, I can feel the darkness creeping back in, but I have the strength to fight it because we are where we are supposed to be.
So, the moral of the story:
Make sure it's God's will & not your will. If it's His will...YOU WILL MAKE IT!!!
Disclaimer: I am not advocating that you make a sudden major decision because you are unhappy. I am simply telling you my testimony...