Friday, September 17, 2010

"Where Are You, God?" "HERE AM I."

Amanda: Beautiful, fun & talented

The last few days have been positively surreal. A tragedy like this has never touched our protected little world. How do you cope with this?

My children are truly struggling. As a parent, there are difficulties on many levels. Your own grief. Your own struggles to understand. Your sympathies for the parents/grandparents. Your concerns about your older children's questions, their emotional well-being. Your conserns about your younger children & how much they know & how much to tell them.

I have never been a very emotional person, but right now, my head feels like it will explode from the pent-up emotion. The tears that I haven't shed because my kids need me to be strong. The questions I haven't asked because I'm answering theirs. The quiet time I can't have because the chores still need to be done...meals must be cooked.

The extent of my prayers for the last 2 days has been a single word, "Help!"

This hurts so much! Amanda wasn't part of my natural family, but she WAS a part of my church family whom I love dearly. I don't want to watch people I love suffer in this way. And yet, I know...with a sureness that is so deep within me that it's like the oxygen that I breathe...God knows. He sees. He comforts. He heals. He works. HE IS!

I have often read in articles about families who have suffered loss or tragedy, "they are holding to their faith." That has always seemed a little hokey to me. Such puny words for the magnitude of the peace & sureness that comes from KNOWING that the God of the universe KNOWS my name! He knows the pain His children suffer. I think that we tend to feel that, because we cannot see & touch God, then He cannot see or touch us. Yet, if my child is suffering (and they are), I KNOW it. They are my flesh & blood. I can see their pain. We are His children, and He loves us.

We can't make every hurt go away for our kids, but we can do everything in our power to help it ease. A hug. A shoulder. An ear. A prayer.

God does the same for me & you. He eases my pain. He comforts my soul. He clears my mind. He gives me a peace that passeth ALL understnding.

I serve a mighty God! And, yes, I am holding onto my faith for dear life! It is the only thing that makes the pain bearable. I cannot WAIT to get to church, to be with my spiritual family, to grieve, to comfort, to support & to cry out to my heavenly Father. Heather told me today that she could not imagine going through this pain without God.

She is so right.

Without Him, I would be nothing.


  1. We will continue to lift you all "our church family" up in prayer. I too am so thankful we have the Lord to turn to in times like these.

  2. Praying for you all. That the Lord will fill your mouth with answers for your children and fill your mind, when you have questions yourself in your quiet time. What wonderful words you have said.
    Thank you for sharing.
    Love, Frieda Zumwalt