Opportunities To Improve...The Bubble Story

Have you ever heard something that totally changes everything? 

Maybe it was some preacher on the radio or TV (do they still have televangelists??). 

Maybe you read it in a daily devotional, or saw it on some annoying Facebook inspirational post.

For me, it was in church.  Isn't that what church is for?  Score one for church!!!

Here is what was said that socked me square between the eyes & left me sitting in my seat wondering if everyone could see my shame & humiliation:

"Remember that your children need as much mercy & grace each day as you do."

 

I know. 

 

Take a minute.

 

  Read it again.

 

 

  It's a cold glass of water to the face, isn't it??

 

 

 

He went on, of course, to include spouses & others that we come into contact with on a daily basis, but THIS was the one that got to me.

 

 

 

I would love to say right here that I have always known & done this & then go on to tell you what wonderful successes I have had with my kids as a result.

 

 

But I can't.

 

 

*Hangs head in shame*

 

 

The crazy thing is, I KNEW God KNEW I got it. 

 

He was looking right at me when I heard it & then said,

 

 "YOU GOT THAT?????  GOOD!!!" 

 

So much pressure when you KNOW that you have just been shown your ugly self in a personalized hand mirror.

 

 

 

So.  Now that I have established that I had an "A HA" moment in church last Sunday, let me give a pristine example of how God made sure I was paying attention.

 

 

Picture this:

 

 

Mom tells child (not named in order to protect the guilty innocent) to load dishwasher & start it after lunch. 

 

 

Story Background:

This has been unnamed child's chore for pretty stinking close to eternity, but child has EXTREME difficulties in remembering to do the job, therefore leaving us with NO clean dishes for dinner (remember, we use our entire set of multi-chipped, mismatched dishes at each meal).  In order to drive this chore into the said child's memory, many weeks of hand-washing (Mom!!!  Really??  I have to use my hands????) have occurred.

 

 

Back to my story.

 

 

After reminding child of their duties, Mom goes to lie down with the babies youngest children because THEY need a nap EVERY day.  Ahem.  It makes THEM nicer people in the afternoon.  True story.

 

 

I digress....

 

 

When Mom rises, cheerful & refreshed, she enters kitchen to see....bubbles. 

 

 

 

{LOTS & LOTS & LOTS of bubbles.}

 

 

Mom freaks.

 

(Please read this in calm, even tones as this is how I want you to think I did it....)

 

 

"What, exactly, was your thought process here????"

 

 

"We were out of dishwasher soap, so I put dish soap in there."

 

 

"No kidding.  Ummmm, why didn't you ASK if this was an ok substitute???"

 

 

"You were sleeping."

 

 

"Why didn't you just not start it since we were out of soap????"

 

 

"Because you always get upset & I didn't want to spend a month washing dishes by hand."

 

 

 

THERE.  Right there.

 

 

Did you see that?

 

 

THAT, my friends, was a healthy slap of guilty truth right across my face!!

 

 

Would someone PLEASE put down that incriminating mirror????

 

 

The child was correct, and respectful about it, even.  I do get upset.  I like things to run smoothly, like a well-oiled machine, which is why God gave me 8 kids (note to self:  do future blog on God's sense of humor.)

 

 

Whoops....digression....

 

 

When those words were uttered, I saw ME.  And I was embarrassed.  Then it happened, the words that were slammed in between my eyes the day before began dancing before my eyes.  This was my opportunity to show some grace for the mistake that had been made.  It was an honest mistake & one of those times that you think to yourself, "Self, why didn't you ever say that ONLY dishwasher soap is to be used in the dishwasher."  Oops.  My bad.  The child truly didn't know.  The child was trying to follow through with the job.  The child didn't want to be in trouble.  The child needed mercy.

 

 

Here it was:  OPPORTUNITY.

 

I had the opportunity to do this right.  So, I changed my tack.  I looked for the humor. 

 

WELL!  THERE IT WAS!!!  This situation was FULL of comedy!!! 

 

 

 

 

As I sat there surveying the massive quantities of bubbles, and wondered how do you clean this stuff up???, I realized that I had seen this only in movies.  And, they are just GONE in the next scene. 

 

Unfortunately, movies aren't a reliable source of reality, because, I didn't foresee a scene change coming up.

 

SO.......

 

I sent the kid for the shop-vac & as the said kid was preparing to suck up foam, I pointed out two new truths about their life:

 

1.  You now know all soaps are NOT created equal.

 

 

2.  You have just given the family permission to LAUGH about this for the remainder of your days.

 

 

The kid & I laughed together at the validity of these two statements.  Ha Ha Ha.

 

 

The kid started telling me what I could do to help with the clean-up, to which I laughed (we were, after all, already at the point of seeing the humor in the situation) and replied,

 

"Ummm, NO.  I wouldn't want you to be robbed of the valuable lesson of cleaning up this mess."

 

 

I'm cool like that.

 

 

Object lessons ROCK!!!

 

 

Today is a new day & that SAME kid will be home in a few hours, and will MOST LIKELY need more mercy today as this kid is particularly needy in this area. 

 

 

I hope I remember BEFORE I freak out, because THAT would be progress!!!



Parental Blackmail

If you have missed me, well, I am baaaaaack!!!  Hahaha...

I vowed to myself not to apologize *again* for not writing on here for an absolute eternity.  So, I won't .

To me, Blogging = Fun.  So, if I sit in my comfy red chair, pull out my laptop & proceed to ignore all of my other responsibilities pour my heart out to the great internet void, then I have that nagging feeling of "shouldn't I be doing something useful?".

My solution: block time on my calendar each week to devote to doing this & then it isn't a waste of time, it's what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing. :)

 

Problem solved. 

 

I hope.

 

 

 

I have had such an eventful summer....I'm sure....but I can't remember any real specifics, & I don't really want to talk about that anyway.  Let's suffice it to say, Summer 2012 was crazy busy & we were all glad to slow down & get back to school! 

 

 

One thing I do know for sure, is that, behavior-wise, the kiddos were MUCH better than in past years!  Yay!  In the interest of keeping it real, I will confess that I was totally DREADING the summertime. Seven kids in the house....all day long...every day....for 12 weeks.  Nope, not a recipe for quiet & meditation.  About 3 weeks before school let out, I began formulating a plan. 

 

I've never been real big on rewarding expected behavior.  I mean, breathing is reward enough for being an obedient child, RIGHT? 

 

Apparently not. 

 

 

I had a plan for sanity.

 

 

Heee heee heeeeeeee.....

 

 

Here it is in a nutshell:

     1. There was a chore sheet. 

I just picked up some grid-type thingies at the local teacher's supply store (in fact, all of my supplies came from there) and some small stickers to coordinate.  I wrote the chore down the side & the day of the week across the top. 

 

I kept it simple:

     Make bed, brush hair, put jammies away, set table, etc...

     Do chore = get sticker

     Simple

 

     2. There was a behavior/character system.

This was the BIG DEAL.  This was what I really wanted to work on. 

 

Again, in another nutshell:

  They each had a large star with their name on it. 

  They had an assigned number of smaller stars affixed to the large one with Velcro.  The older they were, the fewer chances stars they had.

  Bad behavior/character = star removal.

  Star removal = loss of privileges.

  Loss of privileges = incentive to do better next time.

 

Yay me!!!

 

     3. There were prizes!!!

This is the part I lifted from some other source that I cannot recall at this moment (the point is that it didn't originate in my skull).

 

  I found a box & put "Milky Way Store" on the side of it (It was all an outer space theme).  Each item in the box had a monetary value (using garage sale stickers).  I picked up all kinds of stuff that I don't normally buy:

Gatorade

Beef Jerky

Air Head Candies

Chocolate milk (that nasty stuff that doesn't have to go in the fridge)

Toys/Magazines

Coupons for privileges

 

You get the point.

 

Now, for each star they had left at the end of the week, they received a dollar amount which they turned around & spent in the Milky Way Store.

 

Brilliant, I tell ya!  Brilliant!

 

 

4. Consistency was rewarded, too.

  

There was a larger goal as well.

 

There were 12 mind-numbingly long weeks of summer & if they achieved "Stellar Behavior" for 8 out of  12 weeks, they would be able to go to the water park. 

 

Not 7 weeks.

 

Not 6 weeks.

 

EIGHT weeks.  Firm.  No negotiating.

 

Two didn't get to go. :o(

 

I will be honest here, I tried everything I could think of to make it possible for those two to be able to go, but to no avail.  First, it wouldn't have been fair to the others & Second, well, it would make me a big fat liar. 

 

Yeah...

 

I'm sure this is all clear as mud, but the long & short of it is this: It's September & I'm still reasonably sane!  I chose not to continue this little system past the summer & all the kiddos were bummed.  Does this mean success????  Come next June, I'll put up another excessively tacky bulletin board in my hall, holler for a meeting & lay down the summer's rules. 

 

Hey, I'm not ashamed to say it.

 

I essentially blackmailed my kiddos to be good.

 

It worked.

 

:0)

 

If you would like me to email you copies of the "rules", I would be happy to do that.  Just leave me a comment with your email address.

 

 

Wonder-FULL Wednesday: Rivalry

I am hoping to get this posted before I start getting *HATE* texts from those of you who are staying up waiting for me to get busy. :-D

Anyway...I have had two separate topics on my mind all day & still haven't quite decided which one to write on tonight.  Both topics are issues that I am dealing with right now, although certainly not for the first time!

Hmmmm.....

Let's go with.....

No....

Me (to hubby), "Which topic should I write about?"
Hubby (always so helpful), "Whatever you feel inspired to write about."

Gee....

Ok, how about (DRUM ROLL, PLEASE):

*SIBLING RIVALRY*

Yes, we do actually have kids who argue, fuss, fight & bicker.  They are bossy, and sassy, too.  Ugh.  I am a person who truly shies away from conflict.  Hate it.  Absolutely HATE it.  I am equally adverse to bickering & general ugliness.  I don't like loud words.  So, when my kids get into these sorts of moods, it is like <fingernails on a chalkboard> to me, & I deal with it accordingly.

My kiddos were so excited (and so was I) that today was a day off of school (teacher training).  A day with absolutely nothing on the schedule.  So, we slept in a bit & then had breakfast (biscuits, gravy & sausage).  From the time two of my kiddos got up until we sat down at the table (about 45 minutes), they were at each other's throats.  Ugly words, mean actions...the works.  I cautioned them several times...but they just didn't believe me.  Normally, they sit next to each other at the table....and, when they came to the table, they pushed themselves as far away from each other as possible.  This is where I stepped in.  I moved them closer....much, much closer.  Almost touching, actually.  Then, after thanking the Lord for our food & praying for the attitudes at the table, I dropped the bomb on the two peace-breakers:  They would be spending the ENTIRE day TOGETHER.  No reading (yes, a punishment for my kiddos), no electronics, not even any Adventures in Odyssey.  They had the choice of either sitting & staring at each other all day or playing---nicely--together. 

I warned them that, should I hear any harsh words at any point in the day, I would tie their arms to each other.  Yes, I would do that...I have, in fact.  Amazingly, they were pretty kind all day long.

Now, do I think that there will be no ugliness tomorrow?

Nope.  I'm not naive.

Will I force them to be together?

Yes I will.

I do not believe brothers & sisters should fight.  They should be friends!!!  After all, we all have to learn to deal with & appropriately handle other people throughout our entire lives.  The home is where we start that learning process.  Rubbing shoulders day in & day out can really start to wear on attitudes.  Maybe one has a headache.  Or had a bad day at school.  Or is 'hormonal'.  In my book, none of these are justification for treating others badly.  I tell my kiddos (large & small) that we all have to handle our emotions, physical discomforts, disappointments and still treat others the same way we wish to be treated by them (See: Golden Rule in the Holy Bible).

I have found through the years that, when we allow an undercurrent of frustration to continue between kids, maybe chalking it up to 'a stage', it affects our whole family.  If brother picks on sister, sister sasses back, brother pesters again, sister cries....Mom & Dad get stressed...Mom yells at another kid...that kid is upset & gripes at a sibling....well, you can see where it goes & it's not good.

As with any other behavior we wish to instill in our kiddos, teaching them to manage their attitudes & treatment of others takes time and training. 

If your kids don't get along, then I would recommend that you create situations that require them to work together.  Maybe doing a joint chore or playing something together such as a game.  One time won't cut it.  You will need to have them be together-a lot.  Supervised togetherness.  Nip any bickering in the bud.  Provide consequences of ugly words or fighting.  Gush compliments at politeness & considering each other.

This kind of training can be done at any age.  Well, maybe not an infant...but you get it.

The key is that YOU are there...maybe in the background, but YOU are constantly monitoring the situation for glitches so that you may quickly step in while the fuses are still hot & redirect. 

God put each person in our families to help each one of us with an area in our life.  The family home is the ideal place to be tried.  This is just as true for children as adults.

Teaching our children to get along when they are young will go miles towards helping them handle others in their adult lives.

DISCLAIMER:  Yes, I have 'off' days too.  Yes, I yell at the kids.  Yes, I have to apologize.  Yes, I am not perfect.  Just so ya know!  :0)

Wonder-Full Wednesday: Chores

Today, I want to share something that is working rather well for us: Chore Sticks.  Like I have said before, I am not one to have too many original ideas, so I cannot take full credit for this one, either.  However, it is a compilation of ideas I have seen/heard here & there. 

That's usually how I work....

Hear something, tuck it away, 

see something else....tuck it away. 

Have a need....recall....adapt...put into practice. 

Sometimes it's a raging *success*....sometimes it's an epic *fail*!

That's life, I suppose.

So, here's the general idea:

*We have a house

*It needs cleaned

*We have 10 people making messes

*We should all pitch in

*Money isn't needed

*Good ideas are

I have tried all kinds of plans, tricks, charts...you name it.  And, it all works....as long as I'm ok with reminding everyone to do it (which I'm not...but I'm coming around).

The newest adaptation started with me dividing our home into "zones".  I feel sure I heard that somewhere.  Here are our zones:

*Bathrooms
*Kitchen
*Living Areas
*Bedrooms
*Laundry Room, Car, Porch

I didn't want to add stuff to the weekend, because we just never stick to it.  NEVER.  Then I get frustrated, and have to get pushy....the kids get pouty & ornery...the hubby has to give me the "just relax" talk....NAH...why go through all that???

So...these zones correspond with the days of the week.



I taped a reminder for myself as to what days
are what zone...as I knew I probably wouldn't remember!!



I bought a huge pack of colored popsicle sticks at the $1 store.  Then, I assigned each zone a color. 

Next, I thought up one word categories of cleaning such as:

*Wipe

*Empty

*Polish

*Scrub

Just to name a few.

I wrote a category at the tip of one side of the stick, turned it over & put what I wanted them to wipe/empty/polish etc.... Making sure to keep all writing at the same end of the stick.

Now, here's the part that seems to be the most appealing to the kiddos:  they do not have an assigned chore, it's just luck o' the draw!  Each day, following lunch, I grab all of the sticks for that day, make sure the words are tucked in my hand, fan them out, & let them pick sticks.  So far, I've been going oldest to youngest (5 years is the youngest in this case), and they draw til the sticks are gone.  Some get more chores than others...but no one has complained.  The funny part is:  the 5 year old had to scrub the tub, sink & toilet on Monday!  Ha!  I have no delusions as to actually having sparkling clean tubs when he does it, but HE sure was excited! :)

The stipulations for putting their stick(s) back into our handy little bucket are this:

-They have until 5 p.m. to complete the jobs they drew (no one has pushed this, so I haven't added an "or else" yet.)

-They must bring the stick to me & report in, so to speak.

-I give them permission to put the stick back in the bucket.

Here's our belief on chores:

"We all make the messes,

we all help clean them up."

Once again, since this is my blog...I can elaborate on a couple of possibly controversial things related to chores. 

The first one is:  All children should have chores in some form or fashion, and they should not be "gender specific".  Here is why:

*It teaches a cause and effect type of idea.  You make a mess....it must be cleaned by someone (preferably you). 

* Helping = privileges.  In our home, privileges aren't a given...they are earned.

*It prepares children for adulthood.  In my humble opinion, there aren't too many things more pitiful than a young adult who knows nothing about work or how to run a home. 

*It fosters gratitude (in theory) for the privileges they reap from a job well done.

*They learn to enjoy living in a tidy, and fairly clean environment (the idea being: they will carry a desire for that on to adulthood).

My kiddos pretty much run the gammut on chores.  Girls empty garbage cans, boys wash dishes, they all put away their own laundry (and I pray I never have to look for anything specific)....you get the idea.

One other thing we do not do is pay our children to do chores.  Keeping the house orderly & neat is not a payable job, it's a necessity.  Again, we all make the mess, therefore, we should all help to clean it.  With that said, I will now say that we DO provide ways for the kids to earn a bit of pocket cash with "Money Chores".

A money chore is something that is extra...beyond the everyday needs.  For example, we live on 10+ acres, & it needs mowed.  If one of the older kids take a notion to hop onto one of our 3 mowers & ride around for awhile, they can earn $5 per hour.  Pretty good, huh?

One way I pay out is to have someone dust my bedroom or clean my bathroom.  These two areas are my responsibility & do not appear on the kiddo's chore lists.  However, I don't like to do it, so I am willing to pay some green to get out of it. 

Other money chores may include:

   *thoroughly cleaning out the refrigerators ($5)

   *Taking down the curtains, washing, drying, ironing & re-hanging them ($15-$20 or maybe a certain amount per window)

   *wiping baseboards ($3)

   *cleaning mini-blinds ($5)

   *washing window sills ($3)

On a final note: don't underestimate your children.  All ages can help.  A toddler is fully capable of putting her own clean socks in the drawer.  The trick is to not overwhelm them with an entire basket of laundry at one time.  A three year old with a rag can do some real damage to your dust.  A damp rag in a short-ish person's hand can clean all sorts of low places that my knees don't want me to get to.  Door knobs, walls, light switches can all be cleaned by a toddler.  Lots of praise will be the only fuel needed!

Now...grab some kids & go clean some house!!!  :)

*****

If you would like to submit a question, you may comment here or send me an email to:

photographer*at*kidshots*dot*net

Life IS Good...Even IF it's Not Perfect

I do find inspiration for this blog in the strangest places! HA!!





But, today, at lunch, I had to send EG to her room for throwing a fit.





"Why was she throwing a fit?"

I thought you'd never ask!

Her biscuit was broken (read: crumbly).

Yes.

It wasn't perfect.

This is a thing for her.

At McDonald's, she becomes ballistic if the meat patty & the bun are off-centered, or if the bun has a "crack" in it. I know. Cute, really, but annoying when you have to stop eating every few minutes to um, rearrange her burger or convince her that her food will still taste great even if the bun isn't ideal.





Another of my children, when they were very small, ~REFUSED~ to use a restroom unless it was immaculate. Great! Cleanliness is next to godliness, right?!? Not at Wal-Mart! They don't pay me enough to clean THOSE stalls for her to use their facilities (in fact, they don't pay me at ALL!)





I could go on.





You may be wondering what the big deal is, just make adjustments for the child to be happy, to stop screaming or to get them to do what you want, & go on, right?





Well, yes & no.





How many things in life are perfect?





Hmm?

In my life...not much.

Well, my life *is perfectly wonderful*, but there are many, Many, MANY imperfections, too. This is particularly frustrating to a perfectionist.





*sigh*





My mind is a perfectionist...my life...not so much. Over the years, I have had to.....let's saaaayyyy.......adjust....my way of thinking - my standards, even.





At first, I was just like EG. Screaming, kicking, throwing one righteous FIT!!!





NOT becoming of a lady!





Did that change the way things were going?


Yes! In fact, it DID!


For the worse.


I was more miserable. Everyone around me was miserable. It was not good.





So, back to my original story. Do I make adjustments for the kiddos when things aren't going just as they would like for them to be, no matter how trivial? Usually not. Don't get me wrong. I do let my sweeties pluck my heartstrings periodically. I'm not totally heartless! However, when I see that something is becoming a habit, I try to consider what the root issue is, and then deal with them accordingly.





Ultimately, as I've said before, my goal is to raise healthy, well-adjusted adults.





Is 2 or 3 too early to begin learning that life doesn't always throw you the balls you were expecting?

nope.

The early, formative years are the perfect time for making adjustments, to learn to go with the flow.





I cannot tell you how many vacations I have planned for our family. Wonderful, fun-filled, activity-packed, family-bonding, scrapbook fodder.





That. Never. Happened.





After a while, it became almost a hobby to plan a trip for ten...just to see if I could.





I can.





At first, I would become despondant. Depressed. Angry. Then, the moral of the experience began to sink in: make plans to enjoy your life, then live it as it comes, oh, and: don't make plans that you can't get your deposit back on!





Now, I never know for sure if we will do something until we pull out of the driveway. We don't even usually have hotel reservations until the day we leave!

Ewwwwww!!!! I still hate that!!

Why do these events fall apart on us? Kids. Sickness. Work. Money. You name it, it happens. Does wailing, gnashing my teeth or wallowing in ashes help. Nope. Life goes on, AND it is still good. My response, though, determines HOW good it is. Oh, and: HOW I respond directly affects how my children respond.

(Mom throws a fit + kids throw fits) x anger = REALLY bad results!!!

Soooooo....EG goes to her room or doesn't get a biscuit if she cannot learn that life is still good even if her meal isn't Food-Network-perfect!

Is It a Habit??

I think one of the hardest things about being a parent is determining what is wrong with our child.

Early on, they can’t say, “Mommy, I have a headache.” or, “Dad, my stomach hurts.” Even if they could, they probably wouldn’t admit it when the reason for their crying is, “Hey Mom, I’m just wanting to see if you’ll come running when I scream!” As humorous as that may sound, that is exactly what those little boogers do to us sometimes!
How, then, do you determine which cry is which?

Well, with experience, you WILL be able to determine what their cries mean. Just as we use different punctuation to determine what type of sentence we want to use, a baby uses different pitches (punctuation) of their own. As you develop a relationship with your baby, you will learn his sounds. Maybe a whiny, little cry means, “I’m wet/dirty”. A sharp, loud cry could mean, “OUCH!” A lingering, continuous cry may mean, “I don’t feel good”. A loud-pitched, angry cry complete with balled fists, probably means, “I’m MAD!”

In our house, this is "MAD"!!

No one will know your baby’s cries like you do. How many times has a well-meaning (but slightly annoying) person suggested, “Honey, I think that baby needs to eat.” When you know that he is clean & fed, he just needs his nap!
Ok, so now you’re learning his cries, you’ve gotten him on a regular schedule, and he’s doing great!

Yay you!

Yay baby!

Then…..he does something irregular: he wakes up crying when he’s supposed to be sleeping. Hmmm….what’s he up to? You KNOW he’s not hungry. You’ve checked…no poop. He’s warm/cool enough, and he’s not in pain. That little darling of yours is testing his limits!

Yes, I know, it sounds foolish. How can such a tiny little cherub be manipulating his parents like that??? Well, obviously, he doesn’t KNOW that’s what he is doing, but, nonetheless, that is exactly what he is doing.

He wants you to cuddle him, maybe give him a little snack. After all, who doesn’t like a midnight snack? The problem with giving in to him is that he will learn VERY quickly that this little trick works like a charm!

Every time you take him out of his bed (and, might I add, he immediately stops crying), he’s won the battle.

Now, this may seem like but a small sacrifice to make now, after all, he’ll only be a baby once, right? Now, fast-forward 3 years to the cranky child who is throwing a fit in the grocery store because you have told him no on the sugary cereal. Do you give in to his wishes/demands then? He’ll only be 3 once… I could really go on throughout his childhood & teen years painting a rather undesirable picture of selfishness & a demanding attitude.

As parents, you have to think past the crib!

This is a sad, pitiful manipulative cry.

God gave us the responsibility of raising adults, not children!

How do you know if your child is forming a habit? Well, I’ve listed a couple of signs to look for:

1. Do they exhibit the same behavior at the same times?
2. Do they immediately stop their crying/fit when you pick them up or otherwise give them what they are wanting?

I am sure there are other signs, but these are the two that really stand out.



Once you’ve determined that yes, your child has developed a habit that is unhealthy for him (and you), what do you do?

Well, this is the hard part.

You must remain as consistent in your behavior as he has been in his! Even just one weak moment will cause the whole process to take longer. Trust your parental instinct. You will know.
A 3 month old should be sleeping 7-8 hours at night (at least). The time will gradually increase until he reaches a full 12 hours of much-needed, restful sleep (my 6 month old has been doing this for about 6 weeks now). Any less, you will have a grumpy baby, not to mention grumpy parents! God created us with a need to rest. Our bodies do not function well without the proper re-charging time. I know that I must have at least 8 hours to be at full potential. My husband doesn’t need that much. Children need about 12 hours plus naps. The naps gradually start to go away as they get older. This rest time is not negotiable! It is a need, just like their food, water & shelter! They however, don’t know that, so it is up to us as parents to enforce a healthy sleep pattern & to teach this good habit to our children. That is the beauty of a cyclical eat/wake/sleep/ schedule for our children. They learn to recognize when they are hungry & sleepy & naturally just do what their bodies tell them it is time to do. God created us this way, isn’t it wonderful?
If your child has made it a habit to wake up when he is supposed to be sleeping, you must not allow him to be rewarded for that. If, at 3:00 a.m., he decides that he would like your attention, please, the only attention he should receive is a quick check of the diaper and a determining of is he too hot/cold, and then, walk away. This should be done in low light with no interaction (smiling, cooing, and talking) with the baby. If you interact with him, it will only cause him to become more stimulated, and, therefore, make it more difficult for him to fall asleep again. We all have sleep patterns that bring us close to wakefulness, but a healthy sleeper will learn to calm themselves back into sleep. If a child learns that, if he hollers, mom/dad will come running & help him back to sleep in his favorite manner, he will never learn the healthy habit of soothing himself back to sleep. This creates an unhealthy dependency on someone or something else in order to sleep.

Yes, it is hard to listen to your sweet angel cry, but this will not be the only time in his life that you will have to let him cry for his own good. Many, many, many situations will arise in your parenting where you will have to make a decision that your child will not like because it is the best decision for them.

They will cry.

You will cry.

It’s never easy, but it IS necessary. God does the same thing for us. He will allow us to be uncomfortable because He knows, in the long run, it will actually be better for us. So, buck up, you CAN do it. It is for your child’s own good.

Be consistent!

Give it some time & lots of prayer.

You will start to reap the benefits of your labor soon, and it will be so worth it!

*We Are All God's Kids*

Things That Made Me Happy This Week:

Putting baby #7 in a "big girl" bed (only one baby bed, now!)

Making an AMAZING chicken alfredo

pizza for dinner!

Dinner with my honey & some wonderful new friends

My honey was able to go to Washington D.C. for a rally!

Noticing the leaves beginning to turn colors,

then seeing 2 fall very slowly to the ground.

Watching #1 do a "happy dance" when her

grades came back GREAT!!

Setting a goal to lose 2 pounds this week,

and losing 2.2!

Lunch with some great friends.

Finding some very inspirational blogs.

Completing these "ghastly"

pj pants for son #1 (yes, those are eyeballs!)

As you can tell, there are so many things I just feel like I am bubbling over! I truly could keep on going....


Well, life here is beginning to pick up some predictability. The kids are finally easing into the normal fall routine. They all do so much better with routine. Meanwhile, back at home...well, I have just the two youngest girls at home (ages 1 & 2) three days out of the week. Sometimes it is almost overwhelming, I must admit. I am not 21 anymore, and I am so used to other eyes, ears, and hands around all the time that I find that I am busier than I have been in a long time! I feel like a not-so-young mom again! This week, I was getting a bit stir-crazy, and I decided to plan an outing to Hobby Lobby. It went really well! I was so efficient...snacks, sippy cups, stroller...got it all! So, I pushed my luck and stopped by Wal-Mart as well for a few groceries. Again, it went well...until checkout time. By then, I had pushed us all too far. There was some screaming & crying (but I won't name names), but, in the end, I felt very proud of my adventure. I did learn not to overdo it...for anyone. We were able to go out one other day to Target...that was our only stop. It was perfect! heehee It's the little things that bring the most joy.

In the midst of my week, I posted a humorous bit of fact on my FaceBook page. It went something like this,

"I am glad that #8 is the only one who likes to munch on her siblings. However, I am determined that she will not become a cannibal!"

*chuckle*

Well, I received several posts from moms who have "been there, done that, got the bite marks to prove it", which was what I expected. Overwhelmingly, their advice was to bite her back...something that I knew, and would do, if I could ever catch her in the act!

However, one young lady (not a mom, yet) was astonished at this method! She questioned me about the rationale behind it. I told her that I didn't blame her...it DOESN'T make sense, but it does work. She was very polite & didn't want to offend those who had more experience, but she didn't agree.

And that's ok.

But, as I folded laundry & pondered over the discussion, my thoughts turned, as they often do when dissecting parenting issues, to our heavenly Father and His methods of training us. When the girl asked, "So you're trying to teach her NOT to do something by doing it to her?", I replied yes. I explained that it was a cause & effect situation. The baby doesn't know that what she is doing is painful, it is just an outlet for her frustration. Therefore, biting her back shows her that, "hey, this is painful!" The idea is that she will begin to associate the two. However, in order to get her to that stage, we have to (literally) stoop to her very basic level. "Talk" to her on her terms, in ways she will understand.

Isn't our God just like that?

Can you even imagine how He must look at us as babies who just don't understand what we are doing to ourselves & others? How He lovingly takes the time to discipline us, to train us, to teach us to grow in Him & His ways. How much more "beneath" Him could we possibly get?

And yet....He does it!

Just like we, as parents, will stoop to a child's level to get them to understand a concept, using language they will understand because they just aren't mature enough to grasp the idea on an adult level. I began to feel such a humility before God.

So small.

That the same God that created the stars and the moon, and such amazing animal life, such intricate plant life...and an unduplicatable human body...would stoop to MY level & "talk" to me. That He cares enough about me to make sure I "get it". Thank you, God...I can never tell You enough!

*sigh*

I probably should end there. I have tons more that I want to tell you, but it's just about me...nothing much. Just ponder the idea that God loves you THAT much...and go enjoy your day!

Love to you all!!

"Thy rod & thy staff, they comfort me."

Sunday morning, our family had a Bible study. Usually, we go through whatever Proverb that corresponds with the date, so we read through the 13th chapter. I have read through Proverbs many times, and it never fails to amaze me that I can find SOMETHING that applies to my life that day.

Years ago, we learned that, when you sit down to read God's word, you should pray and ask Him for a word or "Rhema" that will carry you through the day. I have to say, any time I have taken the time to do this...God has been faithful (as usual) to answer my request. In Luke 11:3 where Luke gives his version of the "Lord's prayer", he says, "Give us day by day our daily bread." This is just slightly different than the version in Matthew 6:11 which says, "Give us this day our daily bread" which is the way I have always known it to be. For some reason, Luke's version speaks to me more plainly. God gave His children manna from heaven day by day. Each morning they awoke and it was there. God never failed them, even though they failed Him numerous times...as do we. Our manna from heaven is in God's word, if we ask, if we seek, He will supply our daily bread day by day. I must admit, that I have always thought of the Lord's Prayer literally in terms of real food...not spiritual food.

Anyway, I digress from my original thought.

On this day, God supplied some spiritual bread for me. It came in the form of Proverbs 13:24 which says, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." My kids just hate that scripture! LOL We never fail to point out that this is where God gives us instruction to discipline our children in order to love them! A fact that they have real trouble believing.

However, this isn't about chastening our children...not today, well, not really...ok, kinda. :)

As we were poking at our kids about the meaning of this verse, a light went on in my head & I thought of Psalm 23:4. "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."

Again, I have always thought of this verse literally; the rod & staff as a shepherd's tools. After all, weren't the Psalms written by David-a shepherd? Of course, we tend to make our points to others in ways that we are familiar with. But, for the first time, I thought of the word "rod" in the same way as it is referenced in Proverbs when dealing with our children.

Are we not the children of God?

Does He not love us as much as, if not more than, we do our kids?

Here is my understanding: "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." Here, I feel that this is referring (at least, to me) to the world in which we live. We walk on this earth under the shadow of the punishment of death as brought on us by Adam & Eve. No one can escape this inevitable ending to our lives. Death is all around us, both literally & spiritually. There are so many things in today's world that can lure us, but will only bring death to our souls. We walk constantly under the shadow of death. I don't know that I am most concerned about physical death as I am about spiritual death. Although, I don't relish the thought of either one!

Next portion: "...I will fear no evil..." As children of God, we have nothing to fear. The grave can only be harmful to us if we suffer spiritual death, and, as long as we stay close to our Shepherd, we will remain spiritually alive.

Now, here is the part that really got me to thinking: "...for thou art with me, thy ROD and thy staff, they comfort me." As God's kids, He sometimes finds it necessary to apply the rod of correction in order to protect us from dangers, and even death. Likewise, with our own children, we are to be looking out for their lives, both physically & spiritually. There are many things that they either don't see or aren't even aware exists. It is up to us to use our rod to guide & direct their paths safely. I know for myself, there is a comfort in the knowledge that an all-seeing God is looking out for my safety. No, I don't enjoy or even like when He has to use the rod on me, but He does.

Does a good shepherd use his rod to beat or hurt his sheep? Does God harm us in His use of the rod? Absolutely not! The rod is for gentle, steady correction; firm & constant.

Even though a child probably does not realize it, and, if they did, they would never admit it, the boundaries created by their "shepherds" are a source of comfort & well-being. With boundaries, there comes peace, both to the child & the parent. Just the same as it is with us & God.

I love knowing that God looks out for me, that I am in the palm of His hand. He knows the things in this life that will harm me & therefore uses His rod to steer me right. In the knowledge of these things, there is love.

Raising Adults....

WOOO-HOOO! I finally got a photo on here. Now you're in for it! I am a photo-freak :) LOL

Seriously, this is my last night as a single mom to only 4 kids. I have enjoyed this week, truly, I have. I have missed the big man and #'s 1,2,3 & 7, but I have also loved spending quality time with #'s 4,5,6 & 8. We have had a lot of fun & I have truly felt grateful that my oldest kiddos got to broaden their spiritual horizons.



I have really been feeling like the Lord is wanting to deal in my clay recently. I feel that little "tug"-you know what I mean? I'm not sure what He is wanting.
More dedication?
More faith?
More me? That's probably it. I mean, that covers everything, doesn't it?

I am also feeling that I am needing to invest some of my leisure time (yes, I make sure I have some down-time most everyday) in learning more about how to train my oldest children for their futures. Oh, I don't really mean career-wise, I am thinking more about their character. Don't get me wrong. My kids are really developing some wonderful character traits, but they DO have weak areas, just like we all do. However, the big man & I both feel very strongly that God has placed each one of these special souls in our care to train in every way we possibly can, and we take that job VERY seriously. There is NOTHING that we wouldn't do for them, as long as we felt God was in it. After all, if He's in it, it WILL work out!

Anyway, back to my commentary....

I have some books that I am about to start reading that relate more to the older child & how to guide them down the path of life to a successful adulthood. I will post the titles as I finish them along with a review.

I have several thoughts on parenting:
1. The hardest thing a parent will EVER do is be CONSISTENT!
This is true at any age. If you are training an infant, toddler, growing child, or teen...they are watching YOU for any loopholes in your parenting. They will spot them and use them to their advantage. Don't underestimate your child! Sweet as they may be, they are still human. ;)

2. I am NOT raising children. I am raising adults.
I Corinthians 13:11 says, "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

Do I think my children should never be kids? Absolutely not!
Do I think my children should be mini-me's? Nope!

Please don't misunderstand me, I am talking about training.

From a very young age (sometimes as young as 7 or 8 months), we have begun the training process. Our children have had to learn to obey without question.

Do we do this because we're on a power trip? I think not!

No, we know that there will come times throughout their lives that there may not be time for a question. Life or death may hang in the balance of obedience or question!
For instance, if a child is walking through the yard, and I see a snake, but they don't. I yell, "STOP!" What if they don't? What if they say, "why?"

Move forward a few years.

We say, "Don't ever get into a car with someone who has been drinking." What if, when the time comes, they question in their mind, "Why not, they are fine...no one will ever know."

Now, let's move into adulthood.

God says, "No."
We say, "Surely I heard wrong"
God says, "NO!"
We say, "You can't be right!"

This, at least in my life, has been an all-too-common occurance, and oh, how I've suffered because of it!
It would be so much simpler to have instant, unquestioning obedience so ingrained in me that I would never question God why, but just instantly obey, and then discuss the outcome with Him later.
So many times, we are able to turn around & see what we have avoided due to hearing that still, small voice. Sometimes, when we turn around, we see what we COULD HAVE avoided if we had only listened.
So, I ask this question.

Why would a parent not teach their child to obey instantly & without question?

Is it because they don't want to be tyrannical? Then don't be!

The key to training is love. If a child feels your unconditional love even during training & discipline, then you will have their heart & their trust. A parent is an extension of God, and for many years, we are the only God they will see. Then, as they get to know Him on a personal basis, they will judge Him based on how we have treated them. If we chastise harshly, then that is how they will see God. If we train consistently with immediate consequences for infractions with love & plenty of discussion, then they will learn to love & trust God with their hearts because they will know that He will not abuse it.

We do a lot of talking in our home. Sometimes it is the big man & I doing the talking, and sometimes it is the kids. The rule is that, if you have something to say, as long as it is said in the right attitude, we will listen. This has worked quite well for us so far. Children really do have a lot of insight on situations! There have been times that we have totally changed our minds about something just by hearing them out.

I did NOT sit down to write all of this! LOL
I am going to stop here, for now, and pick up again later.
I hope this is in some way helpful to you.
In the meantime, I am praying for each & every one of you as we walk down this road of parenting and, as we endeavor to raise a whole new generation of God-loving, trusting, productive adults!